Monday was NOT my shining moment as a wife. I've replayed everything again and again in my head, trying to convince myself it really didn't happen. He upset me; and I lost my cool. I literally felt like I was listening to someone else. I was taken aback just hearing myself. As much as I expect it from him, there are times when I am so ungracious when he has made a mistake.
I've been stressed for a few weeks. When I get stressed, I tend to throw a pity party. Most of my spiritul attacks happen during these times. I feel sorry for myself, I compare my situation/husband/finances/home/social life, etc. to that of someone else whom I perceive to be more "blessed" than I have been. It's an ugly, downward spiral. It happens gradually, over a period of time, so I almost don't realize it is happening. I find myslef praying less, reading my Bible less, putting off my cleaning tasks, the laundry, watching more TV. That is pretty much how it went for about 4 days, then he upset me. All that pent up pity came out in one big hissy fit. Sure, he was wrong; but my reaction was not from love, or anywhere even remotely productive. It wasn't that I couldn't control my emotions, it was that I chose not to.
Rather than bringing my frustrations to God in prayer, I had held them in, telling myself they weren't important in the grand scheme of things. Yes, my problems may be trivial in the light of others, but God cares about them just the same. As His daughter, my hurts matter to Him. He wants to comfort me. Satan has done a wonderful job of convincing women that our problems are too trivial for God and that we ought not bring them to Him in light of all the good things in our lives, especially when there are so many in this world less fortunate than us. We have bought into it for too long! God cares about everything you experience. You are no less important to Him than anyone else. There are times when we need Him for little things, and times when we need Him for big messes, they are all times when we need Him. His arms are open, He is waiting.
Had I gone to Him, answered when He called me close, I wouldn't have felt so pitiful and powerless. I wouldn't have lashed out at my husband. Just as God is extending me grace for lashing out at my husband, I need to extend my husband grace when he makes a mistake. It is so easy to buy into Satan's lies, he wasnts you to fell bad about yourself, to doubt God, and to lash out at your husband. Trust God. When you mess up, buy into his lies, and make a bigger mess of things, remember:
"My Grace if sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9
Accept His grace, ask for forgiveness, forgive your husband, and ask his forgiveness too. Then, move on. Don't let this become another stumbling block in your life.
Ever since my outburst, God has brought wonderful articles written by Christian wives before me. on one hand, I feel convicted for my failures as a wife, and on the other hand, these articles are serving as a source of direction and encouragement from women more experienced than I. When I fail, I am shown how big His love is.
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