Friday, May 31, 2013


I actually started writing this post a few months ago; but hadn't published it until now because I didn't feel I knew enough about the subject matter. I didn't want my ignorance of the issue to be misleading to someone else. I still do not have all of these answers; but this is where I am now.

My marriage is very important to me; I have been striving to make it the best I can. Over the last few months, God has really laid it on my heart to make changes in my attitude toward my husband. He really convicted me of the "secret" dishnor I harbored toward my husband. We don't often fight, and our marriage is a good one. However, when we do fight, I tend to become very defensive and stubborn. A few months ago, I realized I had started to become hurtful and disrespectful to him during disagreements. I had also begun picking his every action and word apart in my head, and occasionally out loud. I am so ashamed when I think of some of the things I was saying. God really put it upon my heart that I wasn't being the wife I am supposed to be and that I needed to make some changes.

So, I began re-reading what the Bible has to say about marriage. I realized that part of my struggle was that I wasn't adhering to God's plan for marriage and his design for a married woman. I know I'm about to embark on a subject that is very taboo in our society and even amngst the Christian body, but this is the conviction of my heart. You know the passage, the one we sweep under the rug.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands, as unto the Lord. - Ephesians 5:22

*** I am in NO WAY suggesting that this verse be used to encourage women to stay in abusive relationships. If you or your children are being abused, please seek help.***

I don't always know what it means to "submit". Like most people, the word usually brought a sense of subserviance to my mind. I don't believe that is what the Bible intends for it to be at all. Through reading my Bible, connecting with other like-minded Christian women, and reading a few blogs who have a lot of Biblically-supported information and opinions on the matter, I am discovering what it TRULY looks and feels like to submit. I had only known a few women in my life who seemed to model this, and I never had a first-hand view of what it looked like on a day-to-day level.

While I have not perfected my role as a wife, I have discovered that, as with all other aspects of life, when I am acting according to God's direction for my life, I feel more at peace. Everything is not easy peasy, we still have our problems, this is not a cure-all. What I have discovered is that when I submit to God's will, and what I know He says is right, it makes it much easier to submit to my husband. I also feel that God is blessing my efforts and prayers by pulling my husband closer to him. When we have a decision to make, we do it together. We discuss it, and the outcome is usually some sort of compromise, a collaboration of both our opinions. When we can't come to a mutual agreement, I trust that God had my best interests in mind when He told me to submit. I trust that He is guiding my husband where He wants us.

I know this won't be as easy for some as I make it sound here. I know there are many husbands who are over-bearing, or aren't following God's will for their own lives. I know many husbands have done things that make it very difficult for wives to trust or submit to them. The one thing God has laid on my heart more than anything else is that I need to pray for my husband and my marriage. We have our share of problems and issues, some that we have worked through; some that haven't been resolved. I may write about them one day in hopes of helping others who may be going through the same things. Through these things, I have learned to rely on God. When I have felt desperate, like there was no light at the end of the tunnel, He is the one who held me, led me out, and turned things around. He has made good from all of the ugly situations. In those moments, I never think it is possible; but He does. He is right now.

If anyone is in a difficult situation, or even if things are going great, I urge you to pray for your husband and your marriage.

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